Inventions

The dinner conversation started out normal. Well, normal for us anyways. Some would find our family dinner rituals to be uncouth. While I would like for our table to resemble a Norman Rockwell painting, it couldn't be any further from the truth. The boys do take turns setting the table, I prepare something that didn't walk the face of the Earth and we give thanks(usually in the form of a song)for our food. That's when all things normal cease to exist. The conversation takes a turn fairly early in the meal. Oftentimes, leading one to believe my children we born in a barn. Two of them were born in Kentucky...does that count? I digress.

It was during a rare moment of silence when JWP spoke up. "I don't think we ever need to invent anything else because I feel pretty good about my life." While others might find this to be an odd observation from a child, you have to know JWP. We then had a surprisingly intelligent conversation about this topic. It was then JWP took back his thought, "well, I guess it would be cool if they could invent something to cure cancer". My heart skipped a beat. The thoughts began to flood my mind. I had put a lot of the past two months on the shelf to be dealt with at a later time. I have wondered myself if they would ever come up with a cure. I mean certainly the victims of this horrific disease would be happy, but what about the pharmaceutical companies that make millions from their illness...I think not. It was then that our dear CEP spoke up and said, "well, if they did find a cure, maybe they could also find a cure for men with hairy stomachs". I looked over at The Hubby and in that moment we couldn't have been any more proud of our boy!!

We are trying to keep it light around here in the midst of the sadness. How fortunate we are to have the minds of little ones to distract us from all the chaos. I can keep the past few months on the shelf a little longer and instead try to replicate being the "Modern Day" Norman Rockwell family!

small & simple

In case you wondered...we are doing just fine. Thanks mostly to these three blessings! Each day brings new surprises, lots of laughs and memory making opportunities. My blessings are bountiful at this moment. I'm embracing this feeling with all I have, nervous that it will escape. It's the small and simple moments in life that mean the most to me right now. Small and simple...yet in the end...grand!

Humble Abode

Ahh...I'm going home. I cannot express the range of emotions that I am going through. I do believe that this time around, I am ready to go. I am exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally and financially! It has been a wonderful time spent with my parents, a time I wouldn't give up for the world. Yet, I am so anxious to walk into the doors of my own home. I've missed my lovely neighbor and friend Julie and her offers of a cup of compassion, aka a hot latte. I miss my flowers/weeds on my deck that I potted before all this happened. I miss hearing the kids laugh outside running across the golf course. I miss my visits from Scot and Cheryl and family...can't wait to see my newly constructed laundry room..wink! I miss my wonderful support from my friends at Westgate. They have been my life line the past two months...a line that sometimes in the midst of chaos gets neglected. I miss my friendly drive-thru girl, Danae who serves me my daily morning concoction. I miss sitting in the office watching The Hubby drive in from work. I miss just "being". In all of this there was no sense of routine, something that I crave. I have lived in many houses, but desperately and longingly call my house in Ohio..HOME!


On a side note...many have asked about my dad. He is doing as well as can be expected. He saw two oncologists this week and will hopefully be starting chemo and radiation this week. We also visited the surgeon who finally took his feeding tube out and reopened his wounds. A huge relief for dad. They are hoping that in approximately 12 weeks, they can go back in and try and remove the tumor on the portal vein and pancreas. They will also attempt to remove some of the affected lymph nodes. It is our hope that this surgery can be successful and that the continuation of the chemo will keep it from spreading elsewhere in the blood or organs. He is in good spirits and looks well. In a conversation with Cameron this past week, he said while he didn't understand why this happened to him, he would never change it, because the past six weeks spent with everyone who means so much to him has been beautiful.
Beautiful indeed...

Leap

Growth means change
and change requires risk,
stepping from the known
to the unknown.-author unknown

I am about to take a leap of faith. Anyone else up for it?

Happiness

"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin- real life. but there was always some sort of abstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time awaits for no one.

happiness is a journey, not a destination...-souza

Love to M.H.S. for sending this beautiful reminder in the form of a card to my family
xoxo

Celebrate!

It was a celebration. One that brought so many together from all over the country. We laughed, ate, smiled and Sis Margaret blew out the candles on her third birthday cake. Oh, what a night! Here's to many more celebrations to come.
...to see more photos from the party, check them out on facebook!

No Va-Cay Here

No need to worry about my whereabouts. I thought you might have had a crazy idea that I was on vacation...oh, I can hear the waves at Watersound if I really try hard enough. Rather, I am still at my parents house on nurse duty. Many have asked how my dad is doing. Well, I guess as good as can be expected. He still has two large open wounds from all the drains that have yet to close. He also has his feeding tube which we use on an "as needed basis". He sees two different oncologists next week along with a return visit to his surgeon. I thank everyone for their prayers and just ask that you continue to pray for all of us, as he will have to make some very difficult decisions this next week.

In addition to the my dad's care, my parents are in the process of selling their house. We have been painting and tearing this place apart the past couple of days. You can tell from the picture not much time has been spent relaxing. I'm just keeping it real folks. Sometimes life isn't pretty, actually it can be pretty messy and crazy physically and emotionally. We have all "hit the wall" a couple of times.

I have been trying to keep up my "fall by the wayside" hobby of reading. I am re-reading The Shack. My copy is so beat up with dogeared pages and ink spots of referenced notes. I have been struck so many times going back through it during this time. I love when Mack is speaking with Sarayu about the evil of independence. Mack notes that giving up ones independence is not going to be an easy process.

"Sarayu interrupted his sentence again. "That in one instance, the good may be the presence of cancer or the loss of income-or even a life."
"Yeah, but tell that to the person with cancer or the father whose daughter is dead," Mack said, a little more sarcastically than he had intended.
"Oh, Mackenzie," reassured Sarayu. "Don't you think we have them in mind as well? Each of them was the center of another story that is untold." -The Shack

I truly believe that this story has only just begun....

Pa and His Princess

She is number 10. She talks all the time. She is wise beyond all her three years. She has this incredible ability to make you feel better just being in her presence. She is my baby girl...my bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. Yet, she is her Pa's princess. The tenth grandchild who is "just like her mom"..or at least that is what he says. Tonight, this little old soul brought him to tears. Something I have never witnessed in all years on this earth. It was just a simple gesture of wanting to help her Pa feel better during a dressing change. There she sat on the bed next to him with her "nurse gloves" on in her strawberry nightgown. She was so animated as she tried to soothe his pain. The laughter soon turned into tears. It was as if through her eyes he saw his life. All 67 years of it...blended into that one incredible moment with Sis Margaret. Someday I will tell her about that moment. The moment she spoke to him and told him it was all going to be okay. The moment she stole his heart. No need to worry though, she already had it. She will just now be the keeper.

A Visitor Named Joy

I awoke this morning with a headache. One that would normally have me pull the covers up over my head and cancel all plans for the day. Today I knew that The Hubby and I were scheduled to serve first service at church. This meant that we would stay for the second service too. As much as I wanted to just remain in a state of slumber, I felt this tug inside of me that urged me to proceed in getting up. It was this same tug that I felt the night I returned back to the church for no particular reason during my mission trip to receive the phone call that began all of this. I simply listened and was obedient to this tug...the caller introduced himself as The Holy Spirit.

There are times in my life that I actually pray for trials and difficult times. There are times when I feel so blessed that I feel a need to be prepared to proclaim my faith...what will I do when asked? What will I say when challenged? These "test trials" have taught me a lot about faith. Two things have gotten me through all of this...faith & joy. That tug urged me to get up and get moving to the place where all of my dearest friends were gathered. It was at this place that I heard so much about joy and its divine power. The "I Can't" of this terrible situation only poisons my joy. "I can't stand to see my dad go through this" or "I can't be the rock that I am looked upon to be". This poison has no place in my life anymore. It has been replaced by "I Can". The "I Can" has come about because of The Cross.

I have found joy in the midst of all of this. Some may find it strange or odd...we all know that I have never been one to be normal! I rather don't care if they do...for I have found JOY through my FAITH due to this trial, and will gladly answer the call from my friend The Holy Spirit any day.

Rejoice in the Lord always;
and again I say, Rejoice!

Philippians 4:4

Honesty

I sat down to write a new post this evening, but to be honest with you, I am at a loss for words. I feel so consumed with anxiety that I can't even make sense of my behavior or speech the past few days..how's that for honesty. One moment a euphoric high and the next a suffocating dread.
So, I leave you with one thought that I haven't been able to shake lately...

Tell someone you love them.
Tell them again,
and again,
and again.

Out-Takes

A little birdie told me that my recent posts were making her a little sad. So, in her honor, I am posting a couple picture out-takes that might put a little smile on her face. These are simply random pics from the past year that I normally wouldn't post. As you can see, my family has a great affection for nose picking, goofy faces and failure to produce anything edible. Once again, you will see that even the Zentz-Perry family is far from perfect! Enjoy the slideshow below.

****no children or adults were harmed in the staging of these photos!

How I See It

Answers. Answers are something I am in search of. Answers to many of life's age old questions.

Why?
When?
How?

I know eventually I will feel like I am no longer in a dream. The changes that we have made in our personal lives to share this special time, will soon become my "new normal". Sometimes our "normal" needs a little change...a tweaking. Change is good. Rather, the results of change are what truly matter.

You cannot plant an acorn
in the morning and expect
that afternoon to sit
in the shade of the oak.
-Antoine de-Saint-Expery

As Always, Practicing Patience...

Just One More...

...just for you, AML

Okay

It's all going to be okay!

Happy Birthday, Dad

Simply Stated....Happy Birthday, Dad!
Always,
Ed
xoxo