Curtain Call

Important decisions take time. I have had to make many important decisions lately. Frankly, I am a wee bit tired of doing so! Although this particular decision came slowly and without stress. It came after thinking about it for some time now. It is a "curtain call" of sorts for this blog. This blog has been going on for almost four years. I have shared laughs, disappointments, tears and my innermost feelings of confusion, turmoil and grief. It just feels right to step away right now.

I thank all of you for coming with me on this journey. It's been fun and I have learned a lot about myself in the process. Thank you for allowing me to share a small snippet of my life with you. Now the feelings and emotions that I experience will be kept close to my heart, for my thoughts only.

I will keep the blog open for another month so you may look at past posts if you would like. After that I will be setting it to private.

Much love to all of you! May God's blessings follow you wherever He may lead.
Always

Miss Me?

Can I get some love? Has anyone out there in blog world missed me? It has been a while since I have last checked in. I do have to remember that people "do read this blog" and I feel a sense of obligation to continue what I started. I have been gone for many reasons:

1) Lack of interesting blogging material. Do you really wants to hear about toilet seat mishaps and my continued battle to fight the urge to eat everything fried?

2) My mom had another surgery recently. She is doing well and is on the road to recovery.(the poop bag) is gone forever...woohoo!

3) My dad continues to amaze the doctors and all of us. I told you he was a fighter.

4) The Hubby has been home lately. Unfortunately, the Asian travel schedule picks up later this month.

...and the number one reason why you haven't heard from me: I have S.A.D.
Yes, I finally self diagnosed and came to the conclusion that nothing stinks more like being stuck in the upper northwest corridor of the Midwest without sunshine and warm temps!

I have blogged about this before but need to get the word out. Seasonal Affective Disorder is the real deal. It affects people who have normal mental health throughout the rest of the year(this may disqualify me, but I'm still claiming it)experience depression symptoms. They experience severe mood changes, lack of energy and get this..."crave sweet & starchy foods". I love an excuse to eat!

I think I am going to invest in a sun lamp or book a va-cay quick. Trust me, when CEP looked at me last night and told me I sounded exhausted, I perked up. My poor family.

The snow is falling outside...a snow day for the kids! This can only mean one thing...blanket, bad VH1 reality TV, and a big bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. I've have S.A.D., right?

Warning!

I am either losing my mind or having some serious baby envy.

Colts Fever

Some things take precedence over blogging...sorry!

Anticipation

"Just pray the words your heart is feeling"

These were the words I spoke to the four little first grade girls as we sat in a circle at church last night. I can't tell you just how humbled I am to be in the presence of children of God. The girls each spoke..."please help the children of Haiti find their mom's and dad's". "Please let the people know they are not alone, you are there for them God". It was a testament to the sweet blessings we all have been given. The plight of human suffering, regardless of how far away, can rock you to your core.

Yesterday, I heard the school bus drop the boys off. JWP came running through the door as CEP lagged behind. He stood silent and then burst into tears. He told me how CEP had thrown a snowball at the bus and had missed. He ran into the road to retrieve it when a van came around the corner. Luckily the van was able to come to a stop, but he was upset at "what might have been".

Most of you are aware of the failed terrorist plot on Christmas day this year. It really rocked our family because that is the flight that The Hubby takes monthly on his overseas trips. The same flight, the same destination, and as he later informed me, the same row. It sent chills down my spine. I was upset at "what might have been".

I have learned that we cannot predict catastrophes. We don't hold the crystal ball to foresee the tragedies in our lives. We can only hold onto faith. Faith that if some terrible were to happen to someone we love, the compassion & empathy of our souls would rise up and take over. Mending quarrels, professing my faith, and getting back to the basics...thinking of "I can't wait for what is to come" instead of "what might have been".

Faux Fur

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to be a little more hip. Now when I say hip, I mean actually taking a shower every single day, applying makeup, donning jewelry and looking somewhat presentable. So, when I recently went shopping with my mom and sister I happened to see this faux fur vest hanging on the rack. I wondered if I could pull it off. Reluctantly, I took off my sad looking ski jacket and slipped the vest on over my shirt. I wasn't convinced, but was quickly reassured that it looked great with my hair and since it was on sale, a bargain. Of course, my sis cleverly quipped that she wouldn't dare wear it! I hesitated, only due to the fact that I take Sis Margaret to preschool and run to Target...was the vest "errand running" worthy? If I could feel glamorous living in Northwest Ohio if only for a day, it was worth it. The vest made its way into my cart and home, finding a spot in the closet.

This morning, I got all dolled up for an exciting day of returns. I decided to be a fashionista and wear my new vest. I put on Sarah's coat, followed by my new vest(feeling pretty good, mind you).
It was then that Sarah exclaimed:

"Wow, Momma...you are wearing a dead raccoon"

I promptly took it off and put back on my ski jacket.

Happy Birthday, JWP!

Nine years ago, on a cold New Years Eve, a beautiful baby boy was welcomed into this world. Smart, empathetic, adorable, a child of God ... I don't think I could ever love another human being like I do you, Jackson William! Happy Birthday!
Love,
Momma~ xoxo

Closed Doors:Answered Prayers

In the midst of everything that has occurred over the past year, The Hubby and I have debated whether or not to make a move. Yes, a physical move to another home. This time the home was exactly half way around the world. Another country and certainly another way of life. We have been exploring this option for over a year and were confident that the move would occur.

Many asked how I was dealing with the stress of the possibility. For a while I was anxious about hearing any news regarding a timeline, but then I realized that I really had nothing to do with the end result. It was at that moment that I turned it over to God. He was ultimately going to be making the final decision. Some people scoffed at this idea, but we remained faithful in our constant prayers. I'm not saying that my tone with God didn't change from optimistic to frustrated, but I also realized that he would do it in His time.

Ten months later it looks as if the deal isn't going through. Frustrated and saddened by the news, our prayers turned to asking God to reveal why he closed this door of opportunity. I write this blog post because I truly believe that our situation is a testament to God's plan and what will occur when you turn all your burdens over.

Last night I talked with my Dad at great length over the phone. There are days I am certainly in denial that there is anything going on with his health. Other days, I am overwhelmed with sadness and grief. I cannot even fathom the thought of not being able to pick up the phone and talk to him. If I let it, it will consume me.

During our phone call we talked about how he was unable to receive chemo, due to his low cell count. We talked how he had his final visit with his surgeon, and how he had some "big" questions answered like what was the time frame given his medical history? Tough, tough questions and even tougher answers. We talked about what he was going to start doing everyday. We talked about the homeopathic vitamins he had ordered. He mentioned he had taken care of some business that dealt with things that I cannot even begin to think about. Planning...getting things in order...enjoying every single moment. I hung up the phone telling him that I loved him so very much.

Trav entered the room and I put my head in my hands and sobbed. I have had moments in my life where I truly felt what I refer to as the Holy Spirit. This time it was as if a wave of comfort swept over me. I felt it...it was so clear and real in that very moment. Trav looked at me, and I at him, and we both knew without saying a word that God had already answered our prayers. We knew why he had closed that particular door. It was as if the sadness and frustration of the past year just fell away. God's plan was for us to be here. Right where we are. To be near my Dad this next year. To surround him and show him just how much we love him. To allow our children to see and experience some of life's hard lessons, and to make lots memories in the process.

We leave for home next week to spend time with both of our families. I can't wait to sit by a real fire, play cards with my brother-in-law and nephews, fry traditional mush Christmas morning with my Dad, watch the kids open presents, meet my new brother-in -law to be, blow out the candles on my 30++++ birthday cake that my sister will make, and just "BE". Content with where I am and what I have. Surrounded by those I love, celebrating the birth of our Savior...to be truly present this time of year and enjoy all of my blessings. May each of you enjoy those around you and experience the true meaning of Christmas! See you next year!

Santa

Dear Santa,
You sure have your work cut out for you!
Sincerely,

Reindeer

Did you know that the top speed of a reindeer is 32mph? It would take 778 hours for one to fly around the globe at that pace.

I didn't either, but JWP did. He thinks about these things before bed.

Being a parent and having to explain things is hard.

Having your son 9 year old figure things out is even harder.

I cried...he cried...we cried.

His dad ate raw reindeer meat on his last trip to Finland..yuck

"That's okay, at least I still have Jesus" -JWP

Roots

No one comes from the earth like grass

we come like trees

we all have

roots

-Maya Angelou

This year, like every other year, my thankfulness goes beyond family & friends. It extends to my Heavenly Father who reminds me everyday that I can lay all my burdens down at His feet.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving.
All my love!

Smile

"Mrs. Perry, we do offer a payment plan, if you are interested." Interested?? How do parents actually afford dental work without a payment plan. I wasn't anticipating just how soon the orthodontic work would begin. JWP, got braces put on a month ago and I wasn't quite prepared for the financial aspect of it.

I had braces as a teenager while my siblings had to fend for themselves in having their teeth straightened. I have paid a pretty penny to have my teeth straightened, filed and whitened. The dentist that we go to for our overall dental check-ups is like the "Dr. Rey" of plastic surgery.A local celebrity of sorts. When you walk into the office, there is a framed copy of the above Cosmopolitan magazine. (I have blurred out the cover for my younger readers) It is autographed by Toledo's famous daughter, Miss Katie Holmes to her favorite dentist. The boys always stop and stare and inquire who "she" is. "Just someone who left Toledo to live elsewhere and never came back," I reply.

It was at this appointment, my dentist told me I had beautiful teeth. Maybe this will be my big break out of Toledo. Or maybe, I will just smile while living here a little longer. Katie Holmes, I am not....but I'm sure my hubby would jump on a couch on national television to profess his love for me. Then again, I don't think he would.

Helping

It's that time again! The time of year when I challenge you all to step up and do something for the good of others. Now you know I don't expect you to change the world, but showing a little love to others doesn't cost a thing. Some readers have stepped up their volunteer activities...Ann in N.C. has been at the Mooresville Soup Kitchen and is fighting for Barium's Children's Home. Her girls have even helped out too. It's all about helping others, without expecting anything in return!! You can get hooked up with a local or national volunteer organization or come up with an activity you can do on your own.

Recently, some of my family members helped to winterize homes in Indiana through The United Way. This has become somewhat of a family tradition of theirs. Below, you can see a pic of my mom, brother and nephew who helped out.


This year as a family, we are collecting "gently loved" stuffed animals to donate. They will be finding new homes in the local nursing homes and also at Toledo's Clothing Closet. The Closet offers free clothing to local residents who cannot afford to clothe themselves or their children. The kids thought that these kids might like a new toy to go along with their clothes. I have received so many donations thanks in part to just getting the word out.



So, how will you give back this month? November is a wonderful month to be thankful...now, let's allow someone else to be thankful for one of the many things we take for granted.

Say Cheese

Life these days has been full of emotions. The smallest trigger can set off a crying, laughing, or coughing spell. Sad songs have made me cry(try Steven Curtis Chapman's newest cd Beauty Will Rise ). My three year old telling me I'm "a little bit of a bad driver" has made me laugh. The sinus infection that I am fighting off has made me cough...all night long. I have found only one way to solve all three....to dream about food.

Yep, strange I know! Those who know me(lucky you) know that I am quite the emotional eater. I wish I could be one of those who lose their appetite when they are experiencing emotions beyond their control, but I cross the line of gluttony.
Give me anything smeared with peanut butter, mayo, Nutella, butter, or cheese. You got it...I'm there.

There is one thing that I would love to have right now...my Dad's pimento cheese.
So, without further ado...the most requested blog comment request, thus far...the recipe!

"Spike's Pimento Cheese"

2 16oz sharp/cheddar cheese blocks
2 jars pimentos- drained
1 jar banana pepper rings- mild(reserve juice)
2 cups mayo(Hellmanns only!!)
salt & pepper to taste.

Using cheese grater, grate cheese over large bowl. Add drained pimentos. Add banana pepper rings(I usually use kitchen shears to cut them into small pieces). Add some of the juice of the peppers to moisten. Add mayonaise and salt & pepper.
Serve on melba, wasa or assorted crackers.

Enjoy Spike Zentz's(my papa)recipe with someone you love!

Thankful

I'm really trying to remember this saying the past few days. I must remain strong...a true struggle at this point.

Be thankful for something or someone...and tell them.

She is a He...

The conversations that I have with Sis Margaret can be serious, funny, or bizarre. The one that we shared this week fell somewhere in between. (Keep in mind she has two older brothers that find immense enjoyment in anything related to body parts, sounds and descriptions) The conversation went something like this:

S- Momma, little girls can have a penis...did you know that?
E- No, Sissy, only boys can have a penis.
S- Well, at school today, I saw my friend Parker go potty, and she has a penis.
E- Um, Parker is a boy and he has a penis.
S- Momma, Parker is a girl. She has long hair. It's so cool, she has long hair
and a penis!

For three months, my daughter has played with her best friend Parker, thinking HE was a SHE.

Moral of the story: If your son has long hair, please don't be offended when my three year old mistakes him for a girl with a boy's private part! Thanks :)

The Oak Tree

A week has passed since I left my parents home. Returning home was nice, but the dazed undertone of my emotions returned soon after. I pretty much resigned from all duties outside the home. The simple tasks that complimented my life seemed pretty minimal compared to the events that had taken place a week earlier. The grey cloud was trying to pass from above my head, but in a way I found comfort in it.

Trying to explain this to anyone is useless. Unless you have had to mourn something in some form or fashion, you will never understand. Everyone deals with grief and disappointment differently. I realize this after spending literally every waking minute with my parents and siblings this past month. We are all very different...each with different opinions, beliefs and lives. Yet, the common bond that we share is a collective heartache for my dad. We have all had disappointment in our lives. Maybe it was the job you didn't get, or the test you didn't pass. Maybe it was your child's behavior or just a moment when you stuck your foot in your mouth. My dad just went through a major disappointment, but he came through it victoriously!

As I pulled into the driveway, I watched as the wind shook the leaves from their branches. It was almost as if it was raining leaves. I have yet to begin to rake them, instead enjoying their blanket of protection they lend to the yard. I long for that blanket of protection too....for my heart.

I came across this poem about a mighty Oak and I soon realized the mighty Oak in this poem describes my dad, too. Resilient, strong, unshaken...with roots deeper than you could ever imagine...a fighter. The similarities strike me as an omen of sorts. One brought to me like a present from nature.

The Oak Tree
A mighty wind
Blew night and day
It stole the oak tree's leaves away

Then snapped its boughs
And pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark

But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around
The weary wind gave up and spoke
How can you still be standing Oak

The oak tree said, I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two
Carry every leaf away
Shake my limbs, and make me sway

But I have roots stretched in the earth
Growing stronger since my birth
You'll never touch them, for you see
They are the deepest part of me

Until today, I wasn't sure
Of just how much I could endure
But now I've found, with thanks to you
I'm stronger than I ever knew

~ Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr. ~

Hierarchy & Bribery

It wasn't until recently that I noticed there was a hierarchy when it came to grandchildren. On a recent visit to see my darling Bachie(my 91 year old grandmother)a competition of sorts ensued. I went to visit her along with my mom and two sisters. You could see the three of us look quickly around her apartment to see how many pictures of each of us were displayed. I sat quietly...my children were represented, but I didn't see one picture of myself. My oldest sister had a few of pictures but my other sister's representation was over the top. Everywhere you looked, she smiled down at you, almost pitiful, because you didn't hold the same title. My Bachie explained the reasoning behind all of this.
1) She had spent the most time with my oldest sister, Cameron, therefore she holds a special place in her heart. She is not truly represented in "numbers" because she is not married with children. She used to receive the most phone calls from Cameron, but not anymore. To this, my sister promptly pulled out her phone and began to list off call dates..."what year", my Bachie exclaimed.
2) Allison's "shrine" is located all over the apartment. Above the tv, in her bedroom, kitchen...you name it, Ali is there. She hold the most honorable place of all, too. Her baby picture, wedding pictures, and locks of hair sit behind the locked glass of the curio cabinet. Gag!


3) When it was brought to Bachie's attention that there were very few pictures of me, she exclaimed that indeed, she had pictures of me up in a very special place. She said to look in the bathroom!e(How fitting.) So we all ran into the bathroom. Unable to locate them, she said to open up the cabinet. There I was, proudly displayed among a light bulb, cardboard trash, and other miscellaneous toiletries.


It was at that moment I realized that I would never make it to the "Curio Hall Of Fame". I didn't have enough calls logged to her nor did I have beautiful locks of hair to give. Naming my daughter after her, also wouldn't cut it. I wonder where my pictures will be displayed on my next visit. This is after I send her some delicious coconut macaroons...bribery always works, right?

Phase Four

....all the Kings horses and all the Kings men(Dr. Howard & Fellows)couldn't put my dad back together again.

...but, that isn't stopping him.

Phase four of my dad's plan will begin soon. His story...to be continued!

In Hades Kitchen

Once upon a time, a wonderful family moved in across the street. They moved to North Carolina from Long Island..West Babylon, to be exact. I fell madly in love with all seven of them (yes, you heard correct)! I quickly learned the rules and the lingo, and in some regards became one of them. Or rather, they became one of me. They supported and loved me when I was at my worst(I've been there) and were angels unaware, as they came alongside me to help out with our sick friend, Lee. AML became my best friend(an unlikely match, but it works beautifully) She is just what I need when I am feeling down or sorry for myself. A simple, "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it", is her daily reminder.

This brings me to her hubby, Roger. A man of few words(I love him dearly)unless he wants you to hear him, he works tirelessly for his family. I could always count on a delicious meal on Sunday nights...his penne a la vodka..wOw!! This week he interviews for the great show, Hell's Kitchen. Personally, I don't know anyone who would want to try and express their culinary talents while being screamed at and undermined by other contestants, but if anyone in this world can do it....it's Roger. He will certainly bring his Long Island, Southern transplanted self, and show up big time with his culinary creations.

So, Mr. Roger...we wish you the best of luck! Don't forget, I want my own table at your new restaurant and a personal introduction to the chef! Here's to you!