This Season

This time of the holiday season is difficult for me. While I love Christmas, the next few days, no matter how beautiful in thought, are difficult for me emotionally. Tomorrow is the birthday of my dear friend, Lee. She would have turned 47 this year. I have written about her before, yet certain dates always stir up emotions. Her birthday is the 18th, mine is the 23rd, she passed away on the 24th, and Christmas is the 25th. It is as if my emotions are all just fighting in my mind to figure out what comes first. Happy, sad, elated, guilt, anger, blessed, spiritual, denial...they all are making a place for themselves. I truly believe that the time of my life that I was with her was written just for me. Yet, I also wonder when the guilt, sadness and questions will leave. I don't like to talk about her or the stories anymore. I don't believe that things get any easier with time...perhaps, they just get harder. Now that I have moved, who is there to visit her grave? Who is there to take their children to the cemetery to tell her story? Her life is still very much alive in our home. She is very much a part of my childrens lives, just as if she just got in her car and drove off. So, what do we do to keep someones memory alive? I sit looking at her nativity as I write this post, and I can't help but reminisce about only the good times. The coffee mug, the wreath, the big wheel, my pots & pans, the watch...all gifts given from her. This year, I wonder what I would have given her...my last gift to her were porcelain egg cups and a tea pot. I'm not sure where those things are now..probably sold at auction. Regardless of their place, I hope whoever is using them thinks of the person to whom they once belonged. Everyone has a story...a legacy. How do you want to be remembered? Blessing & love to all. -E