I've Got An Itch!

No, that that kind! What are you all thinking? I have an itch that I'm needing to do something about. Besides the usual people, places and things that drive me crazy(ie. Madonna,Larry King, rude employees, the new colors for Fall makeup, the salary of actors & pro athletes, the fact that, although it was years ago, that they killed off Vito on The Sopranos). I'm talking about the fact that I live with three people of the male sex. The little miss is even in on the action. This means close to 99.9999% of all conversation revolves around the subject of gas. The jokes, competitions, the very subject matter can make my blood boil. Not petro, but farts, stinkies, toots....whatever you want to call it. No matter its name, it has taken over my house. I have had it...I am standing up to flatulence. Two night ago at the dinner table I announced that if the "tooting" at the diner table didn't stop, I was sending them to cotillion. This was followed by screams and cries so loud, you would have thought we told them that Spongebob was no longer. The oldest looked up from his tear drenched ravioli long enough to ask what exactly cotillion was. I explained that's where to go to learn manners and how to behave in social situations. The wailing began again when he announced that they would probably have to wear "fancy clothes". Hubby shot me a look from across the table that screamed, "way to go"! My sis suggested that I quick fix and I'm tempted to try it out. I welcome any suggestions on how to put an end to our "gas dilemma" and restore proper decorum to our home.